Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Be strong...

This long letter is written by a broken-hearted woman who has been through an ugly divorce. Well, one might say….I’m listening to one side of a story.

But whatever the other story might be…As a woman, a wife and a mother…my heart goes out to her.... It's really sad to lose a husband this way...

Yes, go…. Get married, start a new life…leave the past behind…It’s over…Please stop hurting and grow up...for the sake of the children, at least..

As a Muslim, we believe in Allah SWT..The Almighty…The Most Merciful…What goes around, comes around…

I pray for you, girl…for a brighter future…for the happiness you and your children hope for…After what you’ve been through, you deserve the best!


Allah sentiasa menguji hambanya yg Dia sayang…dan Sabar adalah senjata mulia hadapi ujian..

Allah memuji orang yang sabar (surah Al-Imran, ayat 17 dan al-Baqarah, ayat 177) dan Allah kasih kepada orang yang sabar melalui firman-Nya dalam surah al-Baqarah ayat 146.

Wasalam..From someone who cares..

Dear All,

This email I wrote to express my disappointment and feelings as ex-wife of man who currently married to one of university staff before we divorced. I am not trying to be disrespectful, immorally disgrace anyone nor trying to gain any sympathy. I am woman of substance and I will stand strong in anyway to gain my children’s and my right. However, I was trying hard keep my ex-husband bad acts from everybody but things really getting unacceptable and I think most of you heard or maybe knew the story from many angle. But now, I wish to tell my version of story so you can evaluate yourselves.

I never claim I was a perfect wife on earth nor a perfect mother, but no one can say my ex-hubby was perfect either. He claimed not happy for the past 7 years married to me but Allah granted us 3 beautiful kids. I was Thankful on what I had but seemed that I didn’t really ‘meet his expectations’. He claimed he had asked me to ‘meet his expectations’ but actually he never did. He said he was not happy at all for the past 7 years, well Allah knows well.

He actually changed his attitude since he met a lady who worked as an English Teacher in one of the universities. Since then, he neglected his responsibilities to me and our 2 kids and the worse part, it started when my early 3rd pregnancy 3 months old. He even left our house in Feb 08 due to avoid more fights and he said that I used ‘blackmagic’. He also did mention that he would leave me because of the lady and of course my ‘unacceptable’ behaviour.

But actually, as his ex-wife I could sense that these happened was due to the 3rd person who has been poisoning him since the beginning and as well as his lust. He used to be a kind of father who could not be far away from his kids, always wanted to be with his family no matter what. When I first found out about the affair, he even called the woman over the phone in front of me every night until 2-3 pm without guilty and I WAS PREGNANT AND DEPRESSED at that time. He tortured me mentally that I myself wonder if he really didn’t want this child and wish that this child would never born. Starting from that moment, I promise that I would take of this baby inside even I have to exchange with my life.

However, he eventually talked nonsense, accused me adultery before marrying him. The sharp words that came out from his mouth when he told me & my parents that this 3rd child was not his ‘wish’ (like unwanted child). I was pregnant with his child, left with existing 2 kids in the house. I take care everything as a mom and as a father as he left us to be happily ‘single-in-love’ or shall I said ‘fall-into-love’. He hurt me with so many acts and words. I don’t know whether people understand that feeling especially when you are pregnant & fragile. My ex-husband even called me ‘pig’ during my pregnancy and what he didn’t realise that this ‘pig’ is the one who give birth and breastfeed his children and maybe am I giving birth to piglets?

I am a woman, any woman would try to keep their family from any 3rd person in their relationship and any woman would be furious and sad with ‘that 3rd person’ and they would say any bad words emotionally. Especially when your kids are still small that needs attention and love from both parents.

During my pregnancy he did not even once sent me for check up, not to mention other kids medical treatment. He claimed that he gave me some cash, but for everyone info, since Feb 08 until June 08, he only gave some cash which I think it could not even survive any expenses for my kids for one month (I could only mentioned, it’s only a few hundreds). Milk for the children, kindergarten fees, their clothes were on me too. Fortunately the kids regular medical treatment was on my employer’s bill.

I drove myself to Clinic with 2 children every month for check up until nearly due. Even the last 2 check up I have to seek for my mom to accompany me in case I was not fit, however, I still drove as my mom cannot drive.

The first day after my delivery, he has filed for divorce but he tried to be a ‘good’ father (after my relatives and I reminded him) and perform all the necessary things after birth. I was make known that his lady came down to meet him and they had a shopping spree in Singapore the 4th day my 3rd child born. This was the act of cruel human when he was away for almost 5 days not seeing his new born as well as his children, just to be with the lady. I paid for the medical charges where he didn’t even support a cent as well.

He forced me to sell off the house because he could not maintain, could not afford but I didn’t agree as I was waiting for the right moment. He kept on pushing me about selling the house until later he told the banks that he didn’t want to pay. Our current house was under both names, my ex-husband and me. Actually the house was saved a little bit of payment due to our EPF withdrawal. I did ask him if he wanted badly to leave us and sell the house, where should he ‘place’ me & the kids for shelter...his answer.......”that is not his problem”...and I didn’t believe that was an answer from highly educated man especially in Islam!!! He should know that shelter is his responsibilities especially for the kids.

During my confinement at my mom’s house, he did visit my new born only very few times and he visited my other children at school only a few minutes daily but sometimes not at all. After exactly my 45 days of confinement, he made me go to court just to divorce me however it was postponed.

Towards the end of my maternity leave, I was supposed to be back to my house, however, he changed the house keys and prevent me from entering the house and reason being, he could prohibited me from entering the house with no particular reason. I reported the police and 1 week later he still didn’t allow me to enter. So I made 2nd police report and I cut the key to enter to my house.

He was quite upset and I was scared with his behaviour. He broke one panel of the window glass and he tried to break the door grill. He even threaten to destroy everything in the house so no one can live there. That day also he hit me on my chest and kicked my hands so hard that I cried because I could not believe his ‘animal’ behavioural. The saddest thing was he hit in front of my 2 kids and his nephew. My kids were trauma for a few days. I lodged police report again and did medical check up. He told everyone that he was ‘self-defence’ from me. As pathetic as a man he was self-defending from un-armed woman.

On 9 Sept 08, during Ramadhan, he divorced me and actually I was quite relieved and I have file all my summons and claims towards him. That for my rights and the kids rights. But since last 3 months, he did not give a cent to me or the kids for nafkah even for Hari Raya celebration with reason, “it was just enough for him to survive”. Well actually, that money were for him to get married with that ‘so-called-professional teacher’ from one of the Islamic university and neglected the one that he has to prioritise first.

Allah knows how I struggled for the past 3 months to survive with my 3 kids financially and morally plus the house debt that he ignores whereas it was and still his responsibilities. Nevertheless, I have to seek the banks opinion and discretion. I pray hard if anyone could be that cruel and cold heart to do such things to me and my kids, I wish that Allah punished them accordingly. I also not ‘halal’kan even a cent that my kids nafkah & of course mine that he used to get married.

He said he will pay when he got money the truth was...all the money he spend to fulfil his lust and desire even he knows he was not financially stable to fulfil the existing ‘nafkah’ and newly married task. InsyaAllah, I still won’t redha all his and the new wife acts because they took what belongs to my kids and I and we have to suffer. I worked as senior executive in one of Petronas subsidiaries which for me just enough for me to survive with my kids but too tight to pay the house for myself. At this moment, I tried to juggle between 2 jobs to make my kids life better. Fortunately Allah gives us rezeki unconditionally because of this test. For my ex-husband, he was a good professional civil lawyer before but nowadays I guess most professionals are worst than those who were not highly educated.

He may be happy to be married with new wife who made him choose between ‘me & kids’ and her,. This new wife of him even quote me ‘ Pity you, who’s with me now?’ and my ex-husband is now trying hard to proof I had another affair with other man. How irony???

He accused my family for harassing him but why on earth he kept on contacting my family and relatives and as civilised people they accept him as human being.

Just imagine you guys, he even came to my relatives house and introduce his new wife just to hurt and embarrassed me and my family. But luckily my relatives are on my side.

But as for his family members and relatives, not even one person care to know about my delivery and the 3 kids’ well-being especially my 3rd new born. They hate them as if they hate me as a ‘pig’ I guessed and maybe they do not want to be courtesy. Before this, I always treat them well, but maybe he poisoned his mother and family as if I am the bad one.

Just think besides his acts, a good muslim woman who loves married man never asked a man to leave his kids, wife and worse part neglected his responsibilities on the family. She even make him left his wife, pregnant, not fit, didn’t spend a cent for her medical check up or treatment, left the kids who are still small and asked him to think about selling the house because she wants him to ‘throw’ the family. Maybe these was ‘the man with no heart ’ choice but a good woman will advise a good thing as she knows he can marry more than 1 but with 1st wife willingness(even not willing) provided he could afford. Thus, I wonder, why this new wife of my ex-husband is has been divorced twice before marrying him.

I think either my ex-husband or his new wife will have their side of story but as at now, this is my story and I have evidence.

I do not even care if my ex-husband wants to marry anyone or even 4 wives because none of my concern anymore. I believe Allah will grant better lives for me and the kids, even better man or dad for them...InsyaAllah. But what upset and disappoint me most, he neglects his duties, hurt and make my kids and I suffer because of another woman who were to him ‘better’ off than me.

I am sorry for my bad writing as I am not good in writing English as well as Bahasa Malaysia due to my education background in Science stream and I used to be facts and figure.

Regards: Ex-wife of substance 2008

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